“In 2011, I began creating work inspired by my grandmothers. My grandma Ruth had died earlier that year and I was left grandparentless which felt strange. As I dug into the lives of my grandmothers, hearing stories from my parents, remembering childhood memories of my own, a voice began to emerge. She was young, curious and burgeoning sexually. And as I continued to dig deeper into the work, this girl’s voice began to crystallize and confuse me at the same time. ‘Who is she? What does a girl reaching puberty have to do with my grandmothers?’ The grandma projects completed but the story of this young girl continued to haunt me and in 2013, I took time to explore her more and figure out who she was. I first looked to poignant memories from my youth – those stories, people and sensations that stick with you into adulthood – writing in wet concrete, wearing my grandma’s burgundy cocktail dress, getting my period in the basement bathroom at Patti’s house, sleepovers as Heather’s house, the multitude of nicknames I had as a kid – some that my parents coined and some that I hope they will never know. In 2013, I would have called this play an autobiographical piece, but as the work has matured over the last two years, it feels so much bigger now. Yes, it has my truth in it and yes some of the stories are true-ish, but Raymond and I are seeking to uncover a truth that we believe everyone can relate to: shedding the skin of our youth and seeking transformation and self-knowledge as we wrestle with the “demons” of our culture and ourselves, and how one’s sexual awakening plays a part on that journey.
Sexual identity and female identity are strong themes in my artistic work. I witness the struggles of my nieces growing up, trying to become whole women as they fight with and feed on the media of our time. It’s a drug, an addictive force that pulls us in asking us to eat and eat and eat until we are bursting and blind. Our American culture really gets off on the Lolita at the Purity Ball. We oversexualize little girls and then vilify them for testing that power. Also, the idea of a sexual girl really freaks people out. It’s a narrative that isn’t really spun in a nuanced way because we are made to believe that “girls are either virgins or sluts.” With Feefer, we look to tell a layered story that brings that dichotomy into question.Why do I keep coming back to this in my artistic work? Because human sexuality is so inherent to who we are and who we are becoming and YET there is little healthy discourse around it. Now when I was in grade school, I had an AWESOME health teacher, Ms. Kent. She was frank and honest. She wasn’t afraid to make us squirm, and she made us listen, and maybe even more importantly, she listened to us. Ms. Kent helped us, young girls, navigate our urges and uncertainties as we entered puberty and negotiated our burgeoning sexuality. What a gift this teacher was and what a rarity. I fear for children. I lose sleep over my nieces. What is a kid to do if they don’t have a Ms. Kent in their court?”
Faye Hargate
Co-Creater and Performer in Feefer Rising and CPT Education Manager