The Loush Sisters DO The Nutcracker


Created by Liz Conway, Michael Seevers, Jr. and Beth Wood
Directed by Beth Wood
Associate Directors Liz Conway & Michael Seevers, Jr.
Musical Director & Choreographer Michael Seevers, Jr.

November 29, 2013 - December 21, 2013

7:30pm, Gordon Square Theatre

2 hours, with intermission


Back by popular demand, The Loush Sisters return to celebrate the holidays in a hilarious and bawdy evening of song. Fueled by booze, fairies, and "holiday cheer," the sisters relive their cherished holiday memories, with the help of their family and The Nutcracker. WORLD PREMIERE/NORTHEAST OHIO CREATORS.

The Creative Production Team Includes:

Jenniver Sparano - Costume Designer
Lauren Calevich - Stage Manager
Beth Wood - Scenic Design

Remarkable Rating:

Take advantage of FREE BEER FRIDAY – Stay after the show on any Friday performance to mingle with the artists and enjoy a FREE drink or two on CPT.

Before They Were Famous: The SistoryPhoto: Steve Wagner

Under the strict tutelage of their mother, The Loush Sisters exploded onto the scene in the summer of 1985 when Holly and Jolly Loush first performed their “What Chew Talk In About Willis? Tour” in their basement, at their Head Start Program and Fulson Prison. From that point forward, The Loush Sisters were unstoppable. Holly and Jolly’s childhood was spent rigorously studying the genius of their “Fairy God Mother” Judy Garland. Once they hit double digits (in age and bust size) the girls joined their elder sister, Butter Rum, at Sea World in Geauga County performing as seals (*understudy). In addition to developing an intense love for sardines, the sisters learned tricks of trade that would follow them into adulthood, such as (but not limited to) balancing balls on their nose, honking horns upon command and making a big splash (*wink).

At the age of eighteen; broke, penniless and with a nasty case of the clap, Holly and Jolly struck out on their own. After trying their hand at truck stops, toll booths and exhibits at local zoos, the girls found their home and mentors at a windowless, low lit, dance center with poles and a buffet. Over the next few years, Holly and Jolly worked their way up the ranks, ultimately headlining the lunch rush on Tuesdays and Thursdays. After a chance meeting with Dick Cheney, Holly and Jolly fell off the tour radar for a few years. While much of their activity during that time is still classified, they were spotted in Pakistan on their “Behind the Veil” Tour.

Since returning to the USA in 2011, Jolly rejoined her sister Butter Rum for their I-80 Tour: Pennsylvania to Indiana – Mifflinburg to Mishawaka. After disappearing for the entirety of 2012, the trio of sisters got back together in 2013 for their recently completed “Tour of Destiny”.

Beth and Liz Talk LoushPhoto: Steve Wagner

Click Here to hear Beth and Liz, two of the creators of The Loush Sisters DO the Nutcracker, speak about their relationship with the dynamic duo.

“The writing process pretty much consisted of a lot of meetings with beer and pizza.”

“I think we all think our families are somewhat dysfunctional… while you’re laughing at the Loush family, you’re also kind of laughing at your own.”

The Loush Sisters DO the OfficePhoto: Steve Wagner

The Loush Sisters DO the Office Part 1: The Marketing Strategy Sesh
The Loush Sisters DO the Office Part 2: The Copy Room
The Loush Sisters DO the Office Part 3: Taking Care of Business
The Loush Sisters DO the Office Part 4: Coffee
The Loush Sisters DO the Office Part 5: Taking Care of Business
The Loush Sisters DO the Office Part 6: Case of the Mondays
The Loush Sisters DO the Office Part 7: Cyber Monday
The Loush Sisters DO the Office Part 8 (Final Episode): Celebrating a Job Well Done

Meet the loush family

Lolly Loush- The Man Boy

Lolly Loush

Age: 41
Hometown: Cleveland (Duck Island neighborhood); I was conceived on a Lolly The Trolley, and, coincidentally, I was born on a Lolly The Trolley. That’s where my name comes from!! (Mama met Papa when he was picking up extra money ringing a bell for Salvation Army outside the West Side Market.)
How are you related to the sisters? I am their younger brother. I am the oldest of the seven youngest siblings, who you meet in this show!!
Describe yourself in 3 words: lots of energy!!
What do you like to do in your spare time? Read the masters: Hemingway, Morrison, Orman, King, Wikipedia; help Polly with her projects; braid Mama’s hair; train for marathons.
What do you do? (profession) I am still a student. I go to a Montessori school in Tremont, near the Steelyard Walmart!!
Likes: Christmas, George Will, Free thinking, Walmart, Rachel Maddow, R.E.M. (the band and the stage of sleep), First season of “Charles In Charge”
Dislikes: Fish. Ketchup.
If I look in your refrigerator, what will I find? White Zinfandel (it tastes sweet, like Capri Sun!), Brussel sprouts, Reese’s, fried bologna leftovers, ham salad, Stadium mustard, mayonnaise, and au jus.
If your soul were an animal, what animal would it be? kitten
If someone wrote a biography about you, what would it be titled? Shiny Happy People, named for the R.E.M. song.
What do you think about when you are alone in your car? I don’t have a car, since I don’t have my driver’s license. Yet. When I am in one of my siblings’ cars, I usually have a lot of time to think, because they leave me there for a long time to think and ponder, while they go do stuff. I often get philosophical at these times, along the lines of “WWCBD?” (What Would Cindy Brady Do?)
What song describes you best? “Orinoco Flow” by Enya
What is your favorite quote? “Yet a man may love a paradox, without losing either his wit or his honesty.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Runner up quote: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Color: Yellow (Mama and I painted the bedroom I share with Bob and Wolly Sherwin William’s 6910 Daisy!)
Food: Tied between Brussel sprouts and Reese’s.
Drink: Tied between White Zinfandel and Johnny Walker Blue Label
Who is your celebrity crush? Katy Perry
In a relationship? Children? Pets? Mama says I’m too young to be in a relationship. That’s fine, because I’m concentrating on school!! I do not have any children. I have a pet ferret; her name is Cindy

Polly Loush- The Overachiever

Polly Loush
Age: 8 (Dog years)
Hometown: Gary Indiana
Describe yourself in 3 Words: Rabbit, Sword, Destiny.
What do you like to do in your spare time: I like to make candles out of melted crayons, make inspiring mix tapes, blow bubbles, and sled. It doesn’t even have to be winter, you can sled on a number of different surfaces, just add vegetable oil.
What do you do? (profession) I create motivational quotes for my own website “Positive Polly”. I’m basically like a superhero, but without the recognition, and the costume, and the magic.
Likes: Squirrels, words that start with a “Sh” sound, Jock Jams, Bikes with horns, footie pajamas, saying the word asparagus, sweater sets, and the kama sutra- not for practical purposes, I think the pictures are pretty.
Dislikes: The word no, possums, when worms stick to the sidewalk after it rains, asparagus (the actual food), closet monsters (they exist and they never stop talking about real estate.)
If I look in your refrigerator, what will I find? Whoville, it’s cold there.
If your soul were an animal, what animal would it be? Valcor
If someone wrote a biography about you, what would it be titled? Swampy, Swampy, Swamp. The Story. The Struggle. The Polly.
What do you think about when you are alone in your car? Why are cats so mean? Also, space cars why didn’t that happen yet?
What song describes you best? Whoomp! There it is! By Tag Team, (Jock Jams Volume 1. )
What is your favorite quote? “If they are snap, Don’t need the police to try to save them, Your voice will seize, so please, stay off my back, Or I will attack and you don’t want that” Snap.
Color: Canary Yellow.
Food: Snowballs.
Drink: Dr. Thunder.
Who is your Celebrity Crush: Natalie Portman. She is an Angel, I swear.
In a relationship? No, not right now. I mean I’m on the market, I mean I’ve been on some dates lately, why what did you hear? Did Steve Call you? I’m pretty sure that he lost my number, so I called and left a couple voicemails with my number on them, the second time I made sure to really AR TI CU LATE just to be sure that he couldn’t have missed any of the numbers, you know how messages can be. So, no I’m not in a relationship per say, but single and ready to mingle right!!! Are you sure it wasn’t Steve?
Children? Sure.
Pets? I have a fish. His name is Frank. I think he hates me.

Dolly Loush- The Sex Kitten

Dolly Loush
Age: Whatever age you want me to be, honey…or are you a cop?
Hometown: Randall Park Mall.
How are you related to the sisters? Stuck in the middle. (Hopefully with you…)
Describe yourself in 3 words: Remember Safety Word
What do you like to do in your spare time?Straddle on the corner of Happy and Naughty Street
What do you do? (profession) Professional Body Tension Releaser
Likes: Whips, Shoes, Fluffy things, blindfolds, Bettie Page and Cookies Parties
Dislikes: I don’t like the following words: No… and that hurts. Safety words.
If I look in your refrigerator, what will I find? Body Oils, Strawberries and whip cream
If your soul were an animal, what animal would it be? Barracuda (which means I have a theme song)
If someone wrote a biography about you, what would it be titled? Book One: Hi, I’m Dolly…Bend Over and Take It. Book Two: Hi, I’m Dolly…The Repercussions of Promiscuity.
What do you think about when you are alone in your car? Which Metro Park has the better looking rangers?
What song describes you best? Every song on TLC’s Crazy Sexy Cool Album. Black is Beautiful and Funky Cold Medina- (that ton-loc song)
What is your favorite quote? I maybe bad but I’m perfectly good at it.
Color? Red.
Food? Chocolate Syrup.
Drink? Whatever you’re buying…
Who is your celebrity crush? Collin Firth…that dirty dirty man.
In a relationship? Children? Commitment is shi*ment. No children, I believe in controlling of the birth.
Pets? The position of my “pet” is open, apply within.

Folly Loush- The Huntress

Folly Loush
Age: Not applicable
Hometown: the woods.
How are you related to the sisters? They’re my sisters… Obviously, questions like these make me want to bite people.
Describe yourself in 3 words: I’m watching you
What do you like to do in your spare time?Train my eyes to see in the dark, sharpen my knives, practice the mating calls of squirrels.
What do you do? (profession) if I tell you, I’ll have to eat your liver.
Likes: my knife rack.
Dislikes: Wolly.
If I look in your refrigerator, what will I find? Pickles, onions and a 300 pound elk.
If your soul were an animal, what animal would it be? Depends on the day, depends on my prey.
If someone wrote a biography about you, what would it be titled? How to Skin a Reindeer: A Tale of Woe and the Hunt for Happiness
What do you think about when you are alone in your car? Surviving the apocalypse
What song describes you best? Hungry like the wolf by Duran Duran
What is your favorite quote? “Get it right or pay the price” -Momma
Color? Red.
Food? Meat. Game, very gamey meat. Probably moose or alligator…. Or rabbit.
Drink? Chocolate milk, it’s a luxury.
Who is your celebrity crush? Katniss Everdeen
In a relationship? Children? Pets? Relationships are for wimps, children are for eating, and dogs are the only true companions you will ever have.

Wolly Loush- hipster (the)

Wolly Loush>
Age: 27
Hometown: I may have been born in Cleveland, but Austin is where I really feel at home.
How are you related to the sisters? They’re my sisters.
Describe yourself in 3 words: Creative. Progressive. Smelly.
What do you like to do in your spare time? Hang out in my favorite coffee shop or local bar drinking local brews and writing for my vegan recipe blog, “Raw Pretention”
What do you do? (profession) I live off the land. I don’t need a job, I just eat and smoke what I grow.
Likes: Tight jeans, PBR, thrift store shopping, glasses for fashion, the liberal agenda.
Dislikes: the 1%
If I look in your refrigerator, what will I find? Whatever I picked from my garden that day. None of that Whole Foods crap.
If your soul were an animal, what animal would it be? A Peacock.
If someone wrote a biography about you, what would it be titled? I really hope no one ever tries to write a biography about me. My work should speak for itself.
What do you think about when you are alone in your car? I don’t drive a car. They’re bad for the environment, and our reliance on gas is the reason our country is at war.
What song describes you best? It’s a pretty obscure song by this rad band in Austin. You’ve probably never heard of it.
What is your favorite quote? “I’d rather chase the sun than wait for it.” -Marcus Zusak.
Color? Mauve.
Food? Quinoa.
Drink? PBR. And Almond Milk.
Who is your celebrity crush? Celebrity is just a social construct. They’re not really that different from the rest of us.
In a relationship? Children? Pets? I’m too busy fighting for equality. I’m in a relationship with the world.

Olly Loush- The Old Testament

Olly Loush
Age: I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22.
Hometown: I was born under an overpass near Allentown, PA, but I live in the tour sedan for the sisters.
How are you related to the sisters? I am actually Jolly’s son, but I only know that because Mama let it slip one night after too many eggnogs. Shh… don’t tell Jolly…
Describe yourself in 3 words: Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered.
What do you like to do in your spare time? I make festive sweaters and sell them on Etsy.
What do you do? (profession) Play piano for the Sisters. They never seem to remember who I am though….
Likes: raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with string. These are a few of my favorite things.
Dislikes: When the road crew forgets to strap down the case you are traveling inside. That cat smell.
If I look in your refrigerator, what will I find? My cooler in the back of the sedan contains no ice, only saltines, a summer sausage, and easy cheese.
If your soul were an animal, what animal would it be? A gibbon
If someone wrote a biography about you, what would it be titled? The Cream Cheese Caper, or How I Learned to Stop Kvetching and Love Bagels and Lox.
What do you think about when you are alone in your car? My travel case in the back of the sedan allows me to reflect upon existentialism and the works of Jean-Paul Sartre.
What song describes you best? “Music and the Mirror” from A Chorus Line
What is your favorite quote? “No.” -Rosa Parks
Color? Walmart blue
Food? Bacon-wrapped chili cheese dogs
Drink? Gin gimlet
Who is your celebrity crush? Beyonce.
In a relationship? Children? Pets? I have dating profiles on OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Jewish Mingle. Nothing serious though. I have no kids and my only pet is the raccoon that lives in the backseat with me.

Bob Loush- The Cracker of Nuts

Bob Loush
Age: I am the younger of the older middle children.
Hometown: My heartsville.
How are you related to the sisters? When they are around, I tend to be within proximity of them. If they are somewhere else, it tends to be someone speaking of me in the third person.
Describe yourself in 3 words: Depending on what those three words are, I might be quite uncomfortable. If they are long, though, I would have some room to stretch out, so I guess that wouldn’t be so bad. Preferably they are all in upper case.
What do you like to do in your spare time? I like to take things apart. Sometimes I also like to put them back together. With some improvements.
What do you do? (profession) Stock boy. At the Perry Nuclear Generating Station. I like to wear the radiation suits.
Likes: Trains. Not so much planes and automobiles, but they’re pretty good too.
Dislikes: People who use commas instead of periods on the end of their sentences when they talk.
If I look in your refrigerator, what will I find? Cold air. And wait until you check out my freezer. It has even COLDER air. Also, frozen fish.
If your soul were an animal, what animal would it be? My soul would be a platypus, assembled from all kinds of random parts.
If someone wrote a biography about you, what would it be titled? “Who is this guy?- What is his deal?”
What do you think about when you are alone in your car? How vast and awe-inspiring the universe is. Oh and pie.
What song describes you best? John Cage’s 4:33
What is your favorite quote? One of my favorite quotes is from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night: “Do you think because you are virtuous, that there shall be no more cakes and ale?” I also like “We’re going to need a bigger boat.” from Jaws.
Color? Beige.
Food? Pie.
Drink? Muscle Milk.
Who is your celebrity crush? I don’t want to crush anyone, famous or otherwise. Murder is against the law, and usually morally reprehensible.
In a relationship? Children? Pets? I think I tend to have good relationships with children and pets when I have the occasion to meet them.


Andrea Simakis, The Plain Dealer
Christine Howey, Scene
Mark Horning,